21 Excuses for not Having Sex

— You can’t stop thinking about all the stuff you have to do tomorrow, and what you really want to do is find a pencil and a piece of paper.
— You have your teeth-whitening equipment in.
— You are bloody tired.
— You have hiccups.
— He hasn’t shaved.
— You think the heating might still be on. It is unbelievably hot.
— It is too cold to risk the duvet moving at all.

clipped from www.timesonline.co.uk clipped from women.timesonline.co.uk — You were in the mood an hour ago, then he insisted on watching more TV, and now all you can think about is Heather Mills and gifted children. — He has been remiss. You can’t remember exactly how, but it was earlier, and you are still angry. — You have drunk the perfect amount and now feel peculiar – any movement could provoke nausea. — He doesn’t seem to be as keen as he should be, and if he is waiting for you to demonstrate keenness, which he may be, then you thought of it first. — You are worrying about early-onset Alzheimer’s, particularly on account of the keys-left-in-the-front-door incident. — You have noticed a large crack in the bedroom ceiling. This has led you into a spiral of self-loathing because of the decorating that still needs to be done — You accidentally watched a documentary on Five called How to be Averagely Good in Bed by 21st-Century Standards, and it has taken the wind out of your sails. — The dog is looking. — You think you have a heart murmur.